booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
