We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
