maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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