You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
