'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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