I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
