Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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