I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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