My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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