I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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