Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
