my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
