Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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