first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
