Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
