i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
