Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
