Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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