is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
