Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
