yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
bring money and cleavage
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
