i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
