I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
being pregnant is like rehab
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
