I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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