I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
