Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
