my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
