Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
