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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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• (585): View more from New York

  remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.

  (425): View more from Washington

  .... touche....

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.

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• (585): View more from New York

  He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..

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