I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens