So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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