So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
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They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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