There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
not ubering you a puppy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
