At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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