just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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