I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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