remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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