what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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