New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
