Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize