he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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