I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
