no you cant smoke seaweed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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