I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
