I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
