Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Boobs speak an international language.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
