I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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