Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
two words: eviction party
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
