I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have tasted many bathrooms
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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