I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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