dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
