Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
