At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I love having hate sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
