Kareoke will never be a sober sport
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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