five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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