yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
