DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want to make a zoo with you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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