So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
