Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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