You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
