I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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