How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
