and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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