woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
