this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
