In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize