Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
