Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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