tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
