U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
