she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
