3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
