Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
