the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
