The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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