He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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